Driving my son home from rugby training when he asked to put some music on. Having been gone from home for 12 hours I was tired but agreed to listen to some of his play list. What a surprise, having just written a post about loss he played Bruises (remix)… he told me the channel he subscribed to and recommended a couple of more ‘tunes’! 2 hours and 17 minutes later I’m listening to auto play on this channel (selection) and am hooked. It always amazes me that this boy, my boy, has an extraordinary insight regarding emotions and back beats!! I’ve come to realise in the last couple of hours that the thumping music the youth of today listen to is exactly the same music I used to listen to, with the addition of a good back beat and remix.
Loss is devastating, I’ve written about loss as a result of sudden death. But this year I suffered a loss, not through death but through a friends decision not to be in my life any more. Loss from death is somewhat easier (as terrible as that sounds, it’s true)! When someone makes a conscious decision to leave someone’s life for whatever reason, its effects are heartbreaking. All the more so when the person doesn’t say anything but just disappears, disconnects and is gone without a trace. The loss is immense, made more profound by the lack of communication or a reason why it’s over. But as the song says “I hope that I never lose the bruises you left behind”..so true because then maybe it might never have existed – the friendship, intimacy, love, companionship. Time goes by, life doesn’t get better – it gets different. We have to participate in day to day life and continue as though nothing is wrong or that a heart isn’t breaking. And then one day, paths cross and there it is again..the bruises resurface, the old wounds open and the healing process has to start all over again..which is why this is worse than death…we have to grieve over and over again! Even though that person is alive and well, every time you see them or pass them by – a little part of you breaks and struggles to understand what exactly went wrong or how exactly did you both get to this terribly sad place.
Is there any return from this? Will a broken heart heal when there is no closure or reason? Maybe there is and maybe there isn’t, but I do know that I’m glad that I have the bruises that are left behind!