In September I broke my ankle and had to have surgery. It was a tough couple of months, pain and helplessness. When I got the cast off I thought this is great, I’ll be back to normal. Far from it! Still depending on crutches, having pain and swelling were all common features in my daily routine. My sister suggested I go for reflexology/reiki, she knew the girl and made the appointment.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I’m partial to a painkiller if I need it and if anyone is looking for a panadol etc I usually have packets in my bag. So the idea of going for an alternative method of pain relief was new to me.
From the moment I set foot (pardon the pun) into the reflexology room I felt myself relax. I answered a few questions and explained what had happened to me. Then I sat on the most amazingly comfortable recliner chair and let her do her magic. The pain relief was instant, I have never experienced anything like it. I couldn’t wait for my next appointment.
The second appointment was as effective. This time, however, she asked me a few questions. Did I suffer from headaches? Yes, in the last couple of months the worst I ever had. Did I have back pain? No, but pain under my arms from the damned crutches. Did I hold on to things from the past? Wait – what? Yes, absolutely…I hold onto everything, sometimes my head is so full of stuff from the past it might just explode. But what had that to do with my ankle? She told me it’s all connected to healing, and to be honest my healing isn’t great. Do I have a lot of stress? No, not much. I refuse to be a ‘stressed out’ person. That works for me on the outside, but inside I can be so stressed it’s not even funny. Some of my best friends have often told me I can come across as extremely cold, I don’t mean to but I think it’s my way of not ‘stressing’ outwardly. Again, I couldn’t quite connect the dots from this to my ankle, but stress triggers pain and I really don’t like pain. It began to make sense…kinda….
At the end of the session she told me to look in the mirror every morning and ask myself what I wanted. What I really wanted for that day. She said that it would feel weird and strange but to practice and it would get easier. I guess it’s a bit like visualization – see yourself getting what you want, believing that you will get what you want and eventually it will come to you. And so I looked in the mirror the next morning and asked myself what did I want. I didn’t know. I thought about it all day, and I still didn’t know. I knew I wanted my ankle to be better, but that wasn’t going to happen in a day.
I had been toying with the idea of writing for a long time. Sometimes scribbling bits and pieces down every once and a while, but never really doing anything with it. It was while I was waiting for my son that night that I wrote what I thought was a meaningful piece. I asked myself again what did I want? What did I want to do with this? And then I decided it was time to post it as a blog. I didn’t really think anyone would be interested in what I had to say, but I had to give it a go.
So I say to whoever is reading this, if anyone is reading this: ask yourself “what do you want?” What do you really want? Think about it, even if it takes a day, or two or three…think about it, say it out loud and do it. You will be surprised how it works out!
Thank you Susan for asking me what did I want.